Living Each Moment

Well that was interesting. I was told about a possibility (extremely slight as it might be) that would completely change my life if it happened. I mean, I expect it to really happen as much as I expect to get the job at my google interview, but who knows. I never expected to get into Stanford, and that happened, so...all I can say is that God is in control. It's all cloak and dagger though (i.e., secretive, and I don't know any details), so it's hard to really say anything about it. I mean, it's something I planned to do in the future, possibly, if certain events didn't happen (which I still hope will happen), so the timing on this is a little sooner than I would have thought possible. I don't know - the whole thing is just an idea at the moment anyway. The only thing I know is that the idea of it was presented to me. I wouldn't be against it, I would just need God to show me how to be able to do it. God give me grace, strength, wisdom, and self-discipline. And help me to mature Lord. Everything else I could want is fleeting to the things my deep heart desires. In reality, all I desire is to be the man God made me to be, but sometimes it seems like that simple thing is the hardest one to achieve. At least it is a life-long and worthy goal - goals to easily achieved are not really worth having. Steps to larger dreams - yes, you need to have these to see progress and not get discouraged, but the ultimate goal should not be something that is achievable in this life. if it is, and you do it, what then? Without hope, "the people perish." A goal is a hope towards which we strive. Faith is believing it is actually possible. Conviction is moving in a direction that seems against all reason. But, as we know, "the heart has reasons of which reason does not know."

Man, I really feel like my life is going to be acutely formed in this next period of my life. There's so much to do, and at the same time it seems as if there is nothing to do. So busy, and yet I feel like I do nothing. I do nothing, and feel so busy. Sometimes the activity of life seems like nothing more than an optical illusion.

I will not write of loneliness.

If there was one thing I could wish for at this moment...it would be

...actually, I'll have to get back to you on this.