August 05, 2005
Well, it's been about a month, time for me to put down a new post.
Topic of the day: Dating.
You know what...I give up. Actually, I decided to give up about a month ago, but I met someone right in the middle of making that decision, so I decided to see that through, and it didn't go anywhere romantically (I do have a new friend - I want more than just another friend though). I don't know - I probably should have seen it coming. I guess I had an idea of the eventual outcome in the back of my head, but like when I play chess or poker, I forget to play with my head and get caught up in the moment. I get told I over analyze, but that's the only way I stay alive, the only chance I have of winning. Staying in the poker analogy, relating it to life, it's like I only have a small pile of chips in front of me - I have to find the right hand to go all in on, before I get blinded down to nothing. Only, even when I get dealt suited face cards, the 3,4,5 that comes on the flop gives someone else a straight. Oh well - I only have a couple of chips left, so I'm going to sit it out for a few hands. Maybe I should just cash everything out. I don't know.
Anyway, sorry about all the poker talk - tonight was poker night so it's on my mind. I won last week with ten guys, but tonight was first out with only six. Last week I was focused, this week neither my mind nor my heart was in it. C'est la vie.
You know, I should start making a list of the turn-down lines. I could write a book someday. Everything always ends with a friendly note, but a rejection is still a rejection. The ones that live close enough I still talk to and am friends with, but still...
Anyway, the latest was "It wasn't a date, but if it was, it would have been the best date I've ever been on." I don't quite get that one. I mean, on one hand it's good because it puts the relationship squarely and without doubt in the "friend zone." But, to me anyway, it would have felt better to have it be a date, and then just have her not choose me. I don't know - my mind is worn out on the subject. From what I can tell the guy she chose is pretty amazing. I can see why I lost, but it still doesn't make losing any easier. The sting of death might be gone for me, but the sting of defeat still causes me to wince.
The long and short of it is that this old boy is benching himself. There are only three things that I've been looking for, and I can not, I repeat, CAN NOT, get all three of them together. It's like I'm trying to put three magnets together - north and south poles attract just fine, but a third magnet has to be either north or south, and so it always will repel away from one of the others. It's just physics.
For me, I guess it's just life.
Hopefully I have another play or two in me before the game ends. For now though, I'm just drinking my gatorade.
Topic of the day: Dating.
You know what...I give up. Actually, I decided to give up about a month ago, but I met someone right in the middle of making that decision, so I decided to see that through, and it didn't go anywhere romantically (I do have a new friend - I want more than just another friend though). I don't know - I probably should have seen it coming. I guess I had an idea of the eventual outcome in the back of my head, but like when I play chess or poker, I forget to play with my head and get caught up in the moment. I get told I over analyze, but that's the only way I stay alive, the only chance I have of winning. Staying in the poker analogy, relating it to life, it's like I only have a small pile of chips in front of me - I have to find the right hand to go all in on, before I get blinded down to nothing. Only, even when I get dealt suited face cards, the 3,4,5 that comes on the flop gives someone else a straight. Oh well - I only have a couple of chips left, so I'm going to sit it out for a few hands. Maybe I should just cash everything out. I don't know.
Anyway, sorry about all the poker talk - tonight was poker night so it's on my mind. I won last week with ten guys, but tonight was first out with only six. Last week I was focused, this week neither my mind nor my heart was in it. C'est la vie.
You know, I should start making a list of the turn-down lines. I could write a book someday. Everything always ends with a friendly note, but a rejection is still a rejection. The ones that live close enough I still talk to and am friends with, but still...
Anyway, the latest was "It wasn't a date, but if it was, it would have been the best date I've ever been on." I don't quite get that one. I mean, on one hand it's good because it puts the relationship squarely and without doubt in the "friend zone." But, to me anyway, it would have felt better to have it be a date, and then just have her not choose me. I don't know - my mind is worn out on the subject. From what I can tell the guy she chose is pretty amazing. I can see why I lost, but it still doesn't make losing any easier. The sting of death might be gone for me, but the sting of defeat still causes me to wince.
The long and short of it is that this old boy is benching himself. There are only three things that I've been looking for, and I can not, I repeat, CAN NOT, get all three of them together. It's like I'm trying to put three magnets together - north and south poles attract just fine, but a third magnet has to be either north or south, and so it always will repel away from one of the others. It's just physics.
For me, I guess it's just life.
Hopefully I have another play or two in me before the game ends. For now though, I'm just drinking my gatorade.
