October 04, 2007
You know, as much as I want to write more, want to keep track of my life, get back into the habit of regular writing, the actual practice is a little harder to keep up. It amazes me, in a way, how rarely we are the people we want to be. Or how often we are the people we do not want to be. Two sides of the same coin. The end result is the same --- dissonance.
I have been writing, a little, in the poetic realm at least. A semi-decent reflectional piece, a piece on women where I reference Manolo Blahniks (unfinished, like so many other pieces), a death piece titled "Ouroboros"...and one last one that's kinda the autopsy of a failed relationship. It's kind of the fleshing out of the first lines:
We said goodbye
We said a lot of other things too, but…we said goodbye first.
I think we said it before we even said “I love you.”
I guess you could say it's an emanation from myself of a relationship I observed (after the fact) that had ended, leaving at least one person in a bit of a tailspin. I just put those emotions on like clothes and write from within them. At least I try...sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. The problem is often I end up putting more of myself into the piece than I should for a pure distillation of the truth of the thing. But at least I'm writing. I'm kind of at too much of an arm's length from the people involved to share what I wrote, but...what can I do.
I got a chance to share some of what I wrote recently with Andrew, and his review of it was quite gratefully received. When I get out of practice for such a long time, I wonder if I still am able to do anything worth reading, anything that's not garbage. He pointed out some consistent flaws I need to work on, but liked several elements that I had. I have such a small readership (my own choice/fault) that even small encouragements are very welcome.
My biggest problem, I think, is lack of motivation, and to some degree, ambition. I have dreams, but I'm really lacks about pursuing them. I did make a little progress on the photography front - I ended up canceling the hosting on godaddy.com, and decided to focus my efforts on smugmug. It's such a pain trying to do certain things with non-standard software though. Photoshop, for example. Pretty much all the tutorials and magazine articles that teach you techniques are built around the assumption that you are using PS, since it is the industry standard. Just like Canon. But there are other software suites, and other camera manufacturers. I think I just need to get photoshop, but it costs like $750 bucks, so I'm trying to figure out if there's any other cheaper (legitimate) ways to get it. I've had people offer my bootleg copies of the whole adobe suite (worth several thousand dollars), but that's not for me. I might be able to get somewhat cheaper legal version because I work for an educational institution, but I'm not sure. And I need a full copy, not one handicapped as an educational version, that I will be able to use professionally.
Life in general - same old same old. Been a bit sore this week - moved a swing thing (not too heavy, less than 200lbs I think), but the box it was in didn't really have anyplace to hold it, and I think I pulled something when I was trying to carry it without dropping it. Been feeling like I took a sledgehammer to the chest for the last couple of days. Feeling a little better, but for about two and a half days or so doing anything was kind of painful. Now I just need to set it up, but it's so large I think laying a footing of cement first would be quite advisable, or at least building like a wooden floor for it (put together, it has a footprint of about 5' by 8' or so, maybe a little larger. Instead of having an A-frame, it has a square frame with a tent/gazebo-like roof. It's going to be "fun" to put together.
Been going through some interesting reading at work lately - lots of stuff for a religious studies student and business student. Well, interesting is relative. A 150+ page report on Kodak's 2006 business (an investment report kind of thing) was not the biggest page turner, but still, it was interesting in it's own way. Some of the religious studies stuff is more interesting. I do enjoy a large amount of the business class readings though. I keep wondering if an MBA is not something I would like to pursue. I just need some direction/guidance/financial standing right now. When you get told no so often you get discouraged (at least I do). This applies both to the job search and the search for a girl. I waver between hoping/believing that God has something and someone amazing for me out there, in His time, and that I will always be single, and on the edge financially. Sometimes, it really sucks not having the money you need to do the things you want. I'm surviving, but I'm not thriving. And I really want to thrive.
I didn't really have anything that I wanted to say in this entry, but that's kind of my state of my life address, I guess. more when something to write about actually comes up.
I have been writing, a little, in the poetic realm at least. A semi-decent reflectional piece, a piece on women where I reference Manolo Blahniks (unfinished, like so many other pieces), a death piece titled "Ouroboros"...and one last one that's kinda the autopsy of a failed relationship. It's kind of the fleshing out of the first lines:
We said goodbye
We said a lot of other things too, but…we said goodbye first.
I think we said it before we even said “I love you.”
I guess you could say it's an emanation from myself of a relationship I observed (after the fact) that had ended, leaving at least one person in a bit of a tailspin. I just put those emotions on like clothes and write from within them. At least I try...sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. The problem is often I end up putting more of myself into the piece than I should for a pure distillation of the truth of the thing. But at least I'm writing. I'm kind of at too much of an arm's length from the people involved to share what I wrote, but...what can I do.
I got a chance to share some of what I wrote recently with Andrew, and his review of it was quite gratefully received. When I get out of practice for such a long time, I wonder if I still am able to do anything worth reading, anything that's not garbage. He pointed out some consistent flaws I need to work on, but liked several elements that I had. I have such a small readership (my own choice/fault) that even small encouragements are very welcome.
My biggest problem, I think, is lack of motivation, and to some degree, ambition. I have dreams, but I'm really lacks about pursuing them. I did make a little progress on the photography front - I ended up canceling the hosting on godaddy.com, and decided to focus my efforts on smugmug. It's such a pain trying to do certain things with non-standard software though. Photoshop, for example. Pretty much all the tutorials and magazine articles that teach you techniques are built around the assumption that you are using PS, since it is the industry standard. Just like Canon. But there are other software suites, and other camera manufacturers. I think I just need to get photoshop, but it costs like $750 bucks, so I'm trying to figure out if there's any other cheaper (legitimate) ways to get it. I've had people offer my bootleg copies of the whole adobe suite (worth several thousand dollars), but that's not for me. I might be able to get somewhat cheaper legal version because I work for an educational institution, but I'm not sure. And I need a full copy, not one handicapped as an educational version, that I will be able to use professionally.
Life in general - same old same old. Been a bit sore this week - moved a swing thing (not too heavy, less than 200lbs I think), but the box it was in didn't really have anyplace to hold it, and I think I pulled something when I was trying to carry it without dropping it. Been feeling like I took a sledgehammer to the chest for the last couple of days. Feeling a little better, but for about two and a half days or so doing anything was kind of painful. Now I just need to set it up, but it's so large I think laying a footing of cement first would be quite advisable, or at least building like a wooden floor for it (put together, it has a footprint of about 5' by 8' or so, maybe a little larger. Instead of having an A-frame, it has a square frame with a tent/gazebo-like roof. It's going to be "fun" to put together.
Been going through some interesting reading at work lately - lots of stuff for a religious studies student and business student. Well, interesting is relative. A 150+ page report on Kodak's 2006 business (an investment report kind of thing) was not the biggest page turner, but still, it was interesting in it's own way. Some of the religious studies stuff is more interesting. I do enjoy a large amount of the business class readings though. I keep wondering if an MBA is not something I would like to pursue. I just need some direction/guidance/financial standing right now. When you get told no so often you get discouraged (at least I do). This applies both to the job search and the search for a girl. I waver between hoping/believing that God has something and someone amazing for me out there, in His time, and that I will always be single, and on the edge financially. Sometimes, it really sucks not having the money you need to do the things you want. I'm surviving, but I'm not thriving. And I really want to thrive.
I didn't really have anything that I wanted to say in this entry, but that's kind of my state of my life address, I guess. more when something to write about actually comes up.
